Trashed Tuesday 

Drinking can be a bore,

Vomiting in foreign toilets,

With strangers holding our hair.

Then thanking those strangers like they are the grandma you haven’t seen in years.

If we all just got stoned none of this would happen,

We’d just sail away from our problems,

Never looking back.

Putting condiments on an undercooked hot dog,

And then proceeding to eat the entire thing.

Even though you are vegetarian…


Well maybe, let’s not get stoned.

How about we all just drink tea together in the woods?

We could all wear little hats,

It would be ever so cute,

No one would vomit.

No one would break their vegetarianism in a hungry rage. 

It would be polite and quaint,

Until you realize you have all been drugged…

Walking up face down in the grass,

With no memory of what happened.

Just an unintentional high blur.

Or we could just go to church,

Breathe Jesus right into our lungs.

Like a drag from a holy joint,

We could all sing Hozier and have a grand old time.

Until the minister kicks us out,

Claiming we are disruptive to the service,

“It says ‘all welcome’ on the sign sir, I mean father…”

Well maybe not church, and defiantly not tea parties in the abandon woods. 

What are we to do with ourselves then? 

Get into border line criminal shenanigans? 


Like every other teen does?

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