heart felt blunt words
I wont gag
when pus fills my mouth
or when they scream
about it
I won’t do it
and
I won’t drool
at all
no saliva will meet the floor
or saturate the sheets
on my feet
I won’t do it
and
I can get through it
needles hooking skin
sinking in
I won’t do it
I’ll get through this
little pretty one
glowing skin silk, nothing but
rippled protection
pretty one left years ago
with teeth lined up in a smile
I will be immunized again with
three shots just like when I was ten
but I am gracious to know
and I hope they go in slow
because I like the feeling
when I can’t see the needle going in
I have a war inside my eye that
feeds my mind and the drops I cry while
I’m hiding wasted and
fighting
the drip in my brain that’s roasting the veins in
my legs while I’m starving tasteless and
hearing
these chimes in my ears that
have been ringing for years I’ve
been pumping the white noise through
to make it clear
still
I’m hiding wasted starving tasteless and
fading
a splinter of flame
hanging out of your pupils
sending electric pulses through my body
like a piece of gravity weighting on my bones
pressing the tips of my fingers
egging me to burn it
until the grass catches fire
and the ashes
and the embers
are but a fragment of the fire
worthless char for the worms to eat
the earth will become fertile
with the flames you passed
the grass blooming into bed of meadows
my heart in my stomach at the thought
her face felt like silk
on the real housewives of slab city
carrying a mouth full of dimes
in a plastic bag
and a blocked airway
her face felt like ecstasy
a handful of mouth dripping
grey wool suits counting
posters falling off the wall
when the clock strikes midnight
her face gave me energy
choking
mouth swollen
arms woollen
perfect timing
its me
i’m really here
I am mouth-dripping
and
more bat-shit than you
she’s ashy grey split ends
bearing long acrylic fingernails
that slide and tick along the tampered glass
it’s bare flesh
and
it’s
really-really stimulating
all burnt up
your pieces too jagged
for mind spinning sobriety
the hard shards blooming with flame
gagged with
dripping
viscid
physicality
it’s your amputated leg
stitches
a terminal diagnosis
the medical nightmare
that perches on your chest
acrylic nails break the skin
with lock jaw force
heart spilling blood into your body
it’s fast-fast-fast
be madly in love with someone who drives you crazy
latenightscoveredinblood
graspingatthetoiletcrying
not knowing what to do
the kind of crazy that just has to be accepted
ifyouleaveme
i’lldoit
i’llfucking
do it
and just has to be followed
endlessly
handcuffed
until it’s just you two of you left
shelostthefuckingkeys
forever
i did bad things to you
and like a poor abused puppy
you keep trying to warm up to me
but I am the hand that hit you
that is trying to feed you again
I have dead and stale insides
liver rotting from
too much drink
my blood is black clotting
circulation has ceased
my lungs collapsed from the smoke
breath rings out in
broken gasps laughing at the
sick joke
my glorious pussy
it keeps me going
the lines of fertility and sex
my sparkling symbol of femininity
my pink palace of
life or death
the punch line got lost in
falsehoods and pride
I want to press my sticky fingers
consensually inside
until they stop laughing and
realize
the girls are getting sick
realize
there is no one to blame
if they keep passing left
it will eventually come back
Starrfishing 