In the beginning I was shy and bashful,
Not knowing what I wanted or what you knew.
We were quiet and in love,
The symphonic sounds of crickets and frogs at night in the hayloft,
I had my first drink with you.
I kissed you and it felt amazing,
Your neck kisses made me so warm.
Now I hate sleeping alone and being alone,
and thinking alone.
Who will I tell when I cant breathe,
I cant breathe now.
I am repressing thoughts of you but they scatter the city.
We have spent years together,
I’m drinking again.
I really don’t know why I did it so fast.
I feel sick and I cannot eat,
I toss in my sleep only waking to think of a moment we shared and cry.
I wear the bracelet you gave me and I cannot take it off.
I feel your touch on my skin and I want to hold your hand,
I know the memories of your touch will fade and I will have nothing left.
I know your body better than you do,
Is this really best for any of us,
We were fine,
We got in some fights but we still loved,
We have different personalities but we still loved.
And yet we both long for the hypothetical love of another,
What, are we suppose to meet another and everything will change ?
We will have all this perspective and knowledge,
Perhaps that won’t happen,
But if it does I want you to know you own my heart,
As stubborn as we both are we have to admit that we learned a lot from each other.
I hate to write as if it is over,
I don’t want to type it,
It would make it real.
I want to live in the cricket fantasy land,
Live a thousand years in your loft.
Surrounded by movie posters, sleeping bags, and your body.
I want to live in a daze.
A fever dream,
But that can’t happen and we have to come to reality.
I love you,
I love you,
And thats why it hurts.
In the end I’m cold and vain,
Not knowing what I want,
Quiet and out of love.