heart felt blunt words
be madly in love with someone who drives you crazy
latenightscoveredinblood
graspingatthetoiletcrying
not knowing what to do
the kind of crazy that just has to be accepted
ifyouleaveme
i’lldoit
i’llfucking
do it
and just has to be followed
endlessly
handcuffed
until it’s just you two of you left
shelostthefuckingkeys
forever
little and angry
so very fucking angry
nothing is perfect in this world
I was raised on cable and crockpot cooking and black beauty
learned its nothing but terror now
little and angry
big and scary
blindly into the night
with no home cooking
i did bad things to you
and like a poor abused puppy
you keep trying to warm up to me
but I am the hand that hit you
that is trying to feed you again
I have dead and stale insides
liver rotting from
too much drink
my blood is black clotting
circulation has ceased
my lungs collapsed from the smoke
breath rings out in
broken gasps laughing at the
sick joke
my glorious pussy
it keeps me going
the lines of fertility and sex
my sparkling symbol of femininity
my pink palace of
life or death
the punch line got lost in
falsehoods and pride
I want to press my sticky fingers
consensually inside
until they stop laughing and
realize
the girls are getting sick
realize
there is no one to blame
if they keep passing left
it will eventually come back
Wet single ply paper is sticking to the counter,
and we are counting empty soap dispensers.
But who is washing their filthy hands anyway.
Her apartment keys are on a department store key ring,
and her expensive rings are on worthless fingers.
Painting the town with our rusty personalities and body glitter.
Yet we feel our best when we have been stripped down to nothing.
Stripping for anyone and everyone,
we are claiming empowerment.
We are messy girls in velvet dresses,
and well dressed girls in messy situations.
Buying shots we cannot afford.
Spiralling out of control in a city far from mom and dad.
We are starving and haven’t eaten in 17 hours.
We’ve been up all night smashing our delicate faces off the wall,
and grinding our weak yellow teeth until they crack and crumble.
We are swallowing parts of our teeth with little pills
and this help our stomach contents stay down.
We are going down on our friends,
and feeling utterly used.
We are painting the sheets with worthless fingers and broken toes.
We are practicing and painting , but getting no where.
Wearing out the brushes,
and brushing out knotted and dyed hair.
We are dying to get out of this fucking place.
her heart wasn’t steady
a ship in a storm
your constant tugging of doubt
porcelain in versace heels
shining and talking politely
medication and daddy issues
is this what could have been?
dress never wrinkled
reasonably educated
a muse for your artistic endeavours
manic
pixie
dream
girl
shes falling and
grasping on bodies and trying to get back up
tripping and slipping and
holding onto the warmth of blood to blood
spaced out
close to death
close to pain
raw throat
wishing she could go back to those times
slamming on the cement
in the bathroom you are trying to stop her
knuckles bruised
bleeding and blacking out and bleeding
not back there
she cannot go back there
you wont have it
matters are tough
and feelings are sharp
shallow pangs
you feel nothing
she is rotting
flies on the meat
swirling and feasting
In the beginning I was shy and bashful,
Not knowing what I wanted or what you knew.
We were quiet and in love,
The symphonic sounds of crickets and frogs at night in the hayloft,
I had my first drink with you.
I kissed you and it felt amazing,
Your neck kisses made me so warm.
Now I hate sleeping alone and being alone,
and thinking alone.
Who will I tell when I cant breathe,
I cant breathe now.
I am repressing thoughts of you but they scatter the city.
We have spent years together,
I’m drinking again.
I really don’t know why I did it so fast.
I feel sick and I cannot eat,
I toss in my sleep only waking to think of a moment we shared and cry.
I wear the bracelet you gave me and I cannot take it off.
I feel your touch on my skin and I want to hold your hand,
I know the memories of your touch will fade and I will have nothing left.
I know your body better than you do,
Is this really best for any of us,
We were fine,
We got in some fights but we still loved,
We have different personalities but we still loved.
And yet we both long for the hypothetical love of another,
What, are we suppose to meet another and everything will change ?
We will have all this perspective and knowledge,
Perhaps that won’t happen,
But if it does I want you to know you own my heart,
As stubborn as we both are we have to admit that we learned a lot from each other.
I hate to write as if it is over,
I don’t want to type it,
It would make it real.
I want to live in the cricket fantasy land,
Live a thousand years in your loft.
Surrounded by movie posters, sleeping bags, and your body.
I want to live in a daze.
A fever dream,
But that can’t happen and we have to come to reality.
I love you,
I love you,
And thats why it hurts.
In the end I’m cold and vain,
Not knowing what I want,
Quiet and out of love.
Feasting on the wind
Only to preserve a pile
Picturing what it would be like
to be preserved
We are choking
Intangible
picture that
thick spit cascading from my chin
trying to swallow
they won’t take that
I hate myself,
and you hate yourself.
mutually
marbled and cool to the touch
The hungry bed waits for you,
with its sheets twisting and its pillows stiff.
Just take a bite of the apple,
let the juice run down,
dripping and sticky.
Warm milk in a plastic cup,
Just like grandma gave me.
The perfect temperature,
no bubbles or steam.
The bed is restless,
it wants to be full.
I cut the poached eggs
you watched the yolk spill out,
beading in small yellow drops.
Dribbling onto a spongy bed of rye.
Sleep my little angel,
tell your mom you are in good hands.
The bed has you now,
twisting its cotton sheets around you,
like little tricky snakes.
And without a word they touched their bare bellies together,
Making slurping sounds.
Anna, with a drink in her hand said,
“It just made sense”.
“It just did” she repeated.
A ritual? A greeting?
Who knows.
Starrfishing 